J: so how was the latest date?
G: well she wasn't french after all - she was just born there. She's just got divorced and she didn't stop gabbing on about it all evening - why do women do that?
J: I don't know... maybe she was confusing you with someone who cared?
G: oh good point but what are you supposed to do in those circumstances?
J: why don't you do what all other men do?
G: what's that?
J: pretend to be interested - it's what we call a lie. Men lie to get laid - see the connection there?
G: I didn't think you approved of that! She did also tell me that she's an ex-ballerina and an ex- dancer
J: and an ex-wife? Seems all her best bits are behind her - did you check out her ass?
G: yes ...it was rather large
J: well there you go....

upstairs the elephant

Dance me into the moonlight baby
Dance me back to your room
Give me some light in this world full of night
And don’t let the dream end too soon

Laughter and love were ever your muse
And your tongue told of passion so sweet
Whilst upstairs the elephant kicked off his shoes
And tried opening his crisps with his feet

Kiss the smile on my face baby
Kiss the smile in my heart
Find me a place in this world full of space
And don’t let life pull us apart

'Nothing can touch us' that’s what I said
But no-one’s bulletproof forever it seems
Whilst upstairs the elephant lay down his head
And we danced all night long in our dreams

lost luggage

text to ex

'I hope you're ok. I can't think of any meaningless platitudes to say that would be appropriate in these circumstances. Am personally upset but I feel for you and for Zach - even though he doesn't know what's happened, it still affects him. For what it's worth I think you have behaved impeccably and I'm proud of you for that. Sometimes doing the right thing means you end up holding the shitty end of the stick for a while, but at least you get to choose when to put it down. Try and be gentle on yourself and don't let life harden your heart - it's all we have at the end of the day '

Visions and Ideals

The Dreamers are the saviours of the world.
As the visible world is sustained by the invisible, so men, through all their trials and sins and sordid vocations, are nourished by the beautiul visions of their solitary dreamers. Humanity cannot forget its dreamers; it cannot let their ideals fade and die; it lives in them; it knows them as the realities which it shall one day see and know.
Composer, sculptor, painter, poet, prophet, sage, these are the makers of the after-world, the architects of heaven. The world is beautiful because they have lived; without them, labouring humanity would perish.
He who cherishes a beautiful vision, a lofty ideal in his heart, will one day realise it. Columbus cherished a vision of another world, and he discovered it; Copernicus fostered the vision of a multiplicity of worlds and a wider universe, and he revealed it; Buddha beheld the vision of stainless beauty and perfect peace, and he entered into it.
Cherish your visions; cherish your ideals; cherish the music that stirs in your heart, the beauty that forms in your mind, the loveliness that drapes your purest thoughts, for out of them will grow all delightful conditions, all heavenly environment; of these, if you but remain true to them, your world will at last be built.
To desire is to obtain; to aspire is to achieve. Shall man's basest desires receive the fullest measure of gratification, and his purest aspirations starve for lack of sustenance? Such is not the Law: such a condition of things can never obtain: "ask and receive."
Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your Vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your Ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.
The greatest achievement was at first and for a time a dream. The oak sleeps in the acorn; the bird waits in the egg; and in the highest vision of the soul a waking angel stirs. Dreams are the seedlings of realities.
James Allen

Ukulele Orchestra of GB - Fly Me of the Handel

a Christmas message

Today, like every other day,
we wake up empty
and frightened.
Don't open the door to the study
and begin reading.
Take down the dulcimer.

Let the beauty we love be what we do.
There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.

Rumi

..of course I'll save the world Billy...

.....if stupidity got us into this mess then why can't it get us out!

away in a manger......

J: don't forget it's Zach's play tonight
X: no of course, what time do I have to be there?
J: well I'm taking him down to the church at 5.30 and it starts at 6pm
X: Ok. Can you save me 2 seats?
J: 2 seats? Why 2 seats?
X: because I'm bringing Rebecca.
J: Oh I see. I didn't realise that we were taking dates to our son's school play!
X: Oh well I just thought that since Rebecca's pregnant that it would be good for Zach to spend more time with her.
J: Really? Well I think he'd appreciate it more if he looked out and just saw his parents sitting together and proud of him. You and I are always going to be his mum and dad no matter how many other people you bring into his life
X: Oh yes you're right I'm sorry but you should have told me.
J: No - you should have asked!
X: Yes I messed up I'm sorry
J: ok but I'm not saving you seats and I'm not sitting with you and Rebecca, I did that enough times with you and Laurie!
X: No that's fine
J: By the way you never did tell me but how on earth did Rebecca get pregnant by accident?
X: Well I just never thought she'd get pregnant
J: You're not serious?!
X: Yes, I just didn't think that she would
J: You're seriously telling me that your method of contraception was your 'thought' that she wouldn't get pregnant?!!
X: Well sort of
J: Well I think she planned it....
X: Oh why do you hate Rebecca all of a sudden?
J: I don't - I just think that it's ironic that the more stupid you are the more likely you are to breed! It kind of makes me think that Darwin got it completely wrong....

souled out

J: so did you go on a date with 'busty conductress' from Guardian Soulmates?
G: no I didn't bother. Actually I'm a bit luvved up at the moment
J: oh how exciting! Who with?
G: well 'luvved up' is a bit of an exageration come to think of it. I can't be bothered to find someone to fall in love with so I've settled for a woman I met off Match.com who has ginormous breasts and likes rough sex
J: oh that's so depressing - don't you find it soul destroying when your heart's not in it?
G: why would I? She does seem to cry a lot though.
J: Maybe she's not so keen on rough sex as you think!
G: haha very good! No, seriously why do all you women have 'issues'?
J: Maybe it's because all 'you men' are bastards!