Tuesday, 29 April 2008


'hey Stefan why do you always call me Maggie May?'
'I don't know - that song just always pops into my head when I hear your voice on the phone. Maybe I've got an 'older woman' fantasy going on!'
'haha well it's true that the morning sun when it's in my face really does show my age!'
'yeah but in my eyes you're everything!'

Monday, 28 April 2008

chasing shadows......

'the ex was showing me a picture of the latest woman he's chasing after today. It's amazing really, I had no idea how many women there are out there who look just like me!'
'oh he's not found himself another Julie lookalike has he?'
'It would seem so. It's funny really you'd have thought that if he was that struck on me he never would have left me in the first place'
'well men never seem to know what they want until they can't have it any more'
'sad... but true'

Lauryn Hill Lose Myself

I used to love without fear a long time ago
And all I ever wanted was love
Then somebody came around and tried to hurt me
Tried to make me feel like I was unworthy
Took a pure love and tried to make it dirty
Truth was they never did deserve me

I had to lose myself so I could love you better

Sunday, 27 April 2008

catastrophe snail

Billy: hey what did I do?

Grim: I told you Billy that when you spilt salt you should have thrown some over your left shoulder or you'd have bad luck. You have to take steps to avoid bad luck

Billy: hey science is great

Mandy: do you really think there is anything to this bad luck thing Grim?

Grim: of course Mandy - thousands of years of superstition can't be wrong....

Saturday, 26 April 2008

Edwin Collins - A Girl Like You

check out brilliant spidey dancing!

Thursday, 24 April 2008

sex and chips

'I was having fish and chips last night and it occurred to me that sex and fish are very different'
'you can be very weird sometimes'
'I know. But think about it - if you like fish you can have it loads of times but then one time you'll have a bad bit of fish and then that's all you remember when you think of fish. However with sex it's the opposite - when you think about sex you aways only ever remember the best time you ever had it - even if it was 20 years ago!'
'actually that's true isn't it!'
'really wish I hadn't had those fish and chips. I can still taste them this morning!'

Tuesday, 22 April 2008

Chris Rock - Lying

'hi Julie this is Mark's girlfriend Luba I'd appreciate it if you could tell me what's been going on between you two'
'oh goodness! Well nothing's going on actually but we had arranged to meet up in a week or two. I had no idea he was in a relationship of course I won't meet him now. I'm so sorry'
'he's a liar. I'm leaving him'
'I'm so sorry...'

Friday, 18 April 2008

oh Mandy...

'I worry that the only person I look up to these days is Mandy from the Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy'
'why does that worry you?'
'because she's a 10 year old child'
'so why do you want to be like her?'
'because she's mean and nasty and has a smart-ass answer to everything'
'is that what you want to be?'
'pretty much'
'oh ok. So what shall we have for dinner?'
'I'm thinking world domination...with a side of rice..'

Tuesday, 15 April 2008

conversations with traffic wardens

me: is it ok if I leave my car there for 5 minutes?
traffic warden: ugh
me: I'm sorry?
traffic warden: ugh
me: so is that ok or not?
traffic warden: ugh
me: could you just use more words, I don't mind if it's yes or no, just more words would help ...or some words at least....
traffic warden: ugh
me: ok I guess I'll move it then..
traffic warden: ugh

Paramore- Crush Crush Crush

Saturday, 12 April 2008

more break-ups

Gabe: It's not so much that I find dealing with you too much hassle, or a nightmare, more that I think you'd be bettter off with someone who can empathise, as opposed merely to sympathise - or indeed, having your own space to deal with your issues in your own way
Me: oh just rip out my heart and stomp all over it why don't you! Oh you weren't talking to me? oh that's ok then. But that's a bit brutal isn't it - poor HW! Don't you think you could find it in your heart, or whatever it is you use to pump blood around your body, to at least find out what her 'issues' are before you reject her because of them. They might be simple and easily fixed. You've got money - that fixes everything doesn't it?
Gabe: how strange - I genuinely thought my message would strike you as a nice way of dealing with HW
Me: yeah I'm sure what she really wants is more 'space' to deal with her 'issues'........

breaking up IS hard to do........

'I have a holiday of 2 weeks coming up in a months time - do you want to spend it together?'
'did I miss a meeting? I thought we broke up last night'
'I feel lost without your smile. I miss you Julie'
'I miss you too to be honest I cried loads after we said goodbye but that doesn't mean we should be together. And I don't really want to be so wet'
'I tell you now, life is what you make it. I'm willing to adapt and if you feel the same we will rock. I don't think I will ever find another girl like you. Just give me a chance'
'I will think about it but you're wrong though I'm not that great believe me'
'You think you're not great but in my eyes you're an angel'
'Oh dear I'm REALLY not you know.....'

Wednesday, 9 April 2008

it's hard to say you love someone...and it's hard to say you don't...

'Julie one minute you say I should stop contacting you the next you are calling me sweetie, honestly you confuse me! I am growing increasingly scared of attaching myself to you'
'Oh I'm really sorry Robert. I never said stop contacting me anyway - I said I didn't think we should see each other again as it would probably be a bad idea. Trouble is nothing dies harder than a bad idea! I'm very fond of you regardless and I want to know that you're ok that's all'
'Oh poor girl, I feel guilty and bad now - arggh I hate myself when it comes to women but I think it would be better to end it if you don't want to take it further'
'oh don't feel guilty - I'm the one who should feel bad! You didn't do anything wrong and you've been nothing but nice to me. I appreciate that a lot you know. You make me laugh as well with your crazy stream of consciousness. I'd like us to be friends but I know men don't really see the point of having women friends so I totally understand if you'd rather have a clean break and move on'
'I am very bad with making friendships with women, I always only have one at a time
'that's fine, that's a good thing actually!'
'and its a bad thing for a man to have more than one woman because he could go mental having two pussycats in one bowl'
'exactly - you're right of course. Listen you take care - it's fine'
'I really do like you Julie but I've got to let go'
'I really do like you too but I've got too much baggage as they say - so I'll let you go'
'I'm sorry Robert'
'dont be it's ok'
'I'm gonna miss you though.........'

Wednesday, 2 April 2008

Dawna Markova

I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible,
to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing,
a torch,
a promise.
I choose to risk my significance;
to live so that which came to me as seed goes to the next as blossom
and that which came to me as blossom, goes on as fruit.