'Alex says he wants to see me again and I'm tempted to go and meet him in America' 'But Deb he broke your heart last time......' 'I know but some mistakes are too good to only make once' 'Oh yeah good point...'
'so why did you and your ex split up' 'oh you know the usual reason - artistic differences' 'really?' 'yeah I wanted to keep the band together but he wanted to pursue a solo career' 'so did he make a go of it on his own?' 'no not really he had a couple of hits but then sank without trace - he keeps wanting us to re form but I can't say as I'm keen. Don't really want to go back to all the late nights, drugs, alcohol and groupies......' 'sounds like fun' 'It's an ok place to visit but trust me you wouldn't want to live there.......'
G: 'there should be a website called "contact-someone-of-the-opposite-sex-for-advice-on-what-to-do-with-people-you-see-on-dating-sites.com" ' 'excellent - we'll make a fortune' 'the cardinal rules, of course, would be (1) no shagging or falling for each other, & (2) you have to give true advice' 'we could also re-write their boring profiles for them so that someone might actually be interested in contacting them in the 1st place ' 'have to admit, this is not an entirely new idea - I discussed it with someone on the Soulmates website months ago' 'you're so unfaithful to me ' 'that doesn't count - it was before we met ' 'oh ok then I'll let you off ' 'off what? ' 'don't know what you are on ' 'no, nor do I but I reckon we could be onto a winner! ' 'me too ' 'there's already a website where you get other people to write your profile for you ' 'is there? damn ' 'mate of mine told me about it - actually, he is serious with a woman he met there ' 'so it worked?' 'yes' 'I'd love to do that ' 'what get serious with the woman my mate is dating? ' 'is she pretty? ' 'no idea, have never met her ' 'but she has a grand piano in storage ' 'can't think of anything funny about grand piano in storage ' 'you're not supposed to it just happens to be the only thing I remember him saying about her ' 'she sounds rivetting ' 'stop it! ' ' stop what? I'm not doing anything - I'm just playing.........the grand piano.......see I knew I could get it in somewhere'
'daddy wants to kill you' 'no I'm sure he doesn't Zach' 'Yes he does' 'Why do you say that?' 'Because he said he wanted to kill you' 'No I'm sure he wouldn't have said that you must have heard him wrong - why would he say he wanted to kill me?' 'Because he says he hates you' 'People say things they don't mean sometimes Zach I'm sure he didn't mean that' 'Yes he did mean it'
‘Come in dear and sit down’ I follow an odd-looking woman wearing an ill-fitting white tracksuit into a back room and sit down on a rickety chair. The house smells unpleasant but I’m not sure what of. An old golden Labrador has joined us and sits down next to me leaning against my leg. I don’t say anything as I’m not sure if this is part of the treatment ‘Now dear what do you need my help with?’ ‘Well my partner of 13 years has just left me and our 1 year son. He’s now in love with the woman we employed to job share with me’ ‘What an absolute bastard!’ ‘Well yes – I just don’t seem to be coping very well…….’ ‘Oh well you’re better off without him. Now just relax and listen to my voice……… There followed about 20 minutes of her droning on whilst I pretended to relax until she told me to ‘wake up’ ‘Now dear do you feel better?’ ‘Yes much better thank you (by which I of course meant ‘no not at all’ still I was anxious to get out as the smell was making me slightly nauseous and my leg had gone to sleep – oh maybe the dog was part of the treatment after all….) ‘That will be £30.00 please’ ‘Oh ok’ She then started to write something on a small piece of paper. I assumed it was a receipt ‘Now dear take this note and I want you to say the words on it out loud 50 times a day’ ‘Thanks’ The note said ‘I am a worthwhile person’ I wasn’t sure if she meant me or her but I didn’t like to ask. I walked out the door and promptly lost the piece of paper so not only was I £30.00 lighter but any reassurance that I may indeed be a worthwhile person had mysteriously disappeared……….
'I've got some bad news for you you're going to hate me' 'No I won't' 'I've met someone and I think she's the one' 'oh..... ok ....that's fine ....really it is...' 'I'm really sorry...' 'Don't be it's fine really it is' 'I thought you always knew this day would come........' 'Yes of course I did I just hoped it wouldn't happen so soon' 'Please be happy for me I need your blessing before I ask her out. I'm really into her and she wants to go out with me, she's a friend of Clare's and she's muslim too...' 'Of course you have it....' 'You're crying aren't you?' 'No no I'm fine...really' 'I'm so sorry' 'It's ok......I'll be ok.....'
'mum I got 'Child of the Week' ' 'oh Zach that's..... ' 'Don't say 'marvellous' ' 'but darling it is marvellous' 'well don't say it ' 'can I say it's brilliant? ' ' NO! ' 'wonderful? ' 'NO! ' ' why not? ' ' because you always say everything is marvellous, wonderful and brilliant' ' oh....is that bad?'
Gaining enlightenment is like the moon reflected on the water. The moon doesn't get wet; the water isn't broken. Although it's light is broad and great, the moon is reflected even in a puddle an inch wide. The whole moon and the whole sky are reflected in one dew-drop on the grass.
'I had sex last night with a woman who looked just like you ' 'I'm very happy for you' 'I only had sex with her because she reminded me of you' 'she must feel so special......... ' 'I think she did actually ' ' did the 28 other women that you slept with when we were together all remind you of me? ' 'now is there really any need to keep harking back to the past? '
'please can I get a refund on this light sabre - my son got it for Christmas and doesn't want to keep it ' young male shop assistant: 'no absolutely not!' 'why on earth not - I've got the receipt ' 'I'm sorry but I simply can't take back a light sabre and leave you unprotected - what will you do if Darth Maul turns up? ' 'well we do have 3 other light sabres' '.........oh ok.......I guess you'll be covered then in case of a Sith emergency' 'thanks' 'I wish my mum would buy me a light sabre.........'
...........does everyone write that the first time? Probably. Well I was born in the year of the sheep. My whole family are dragons - my sister, my niece, my ex partner, my brother in law. My son was born in the year 2000 - the year of the Golden Dragon. I am a lone sheep in a land where there definitely be dragons - is it any wonder I'm so anxiety prone. Ah well first post is over. Don't worry - they'll get better........or fewer.......or stop completely...........
This blog is intended as the literary equivalent of a set of photographs. Snapshots in time if you like. I just wanted to capture moments in my life and those of my friends....Don't know if it works but that's the thought behind it. The music? Well I think life should have a soundtrack. And an occasional poem.....