Wednesday, 25 June 2008

Missing You

Call me....

'Hello Superstar!'
'Hey baby' (I love you)
'So what you been up to?'
'Oh usual stuff. Went out with Deb at the weekend but came home early because I wasn't feeling well'. (and because I'm still in love with you)
'Yeah really? So you didn't meet any guys then?'
'No of course not! I don't go out looking to pick up men on an evening' (besides no-one compares to you and by the way did I mention that I'm still hopelessly in love with you?)
'So have you missed me?'
'Haha no I'm all over that now!' (yeah right!)
'We must go out for dinner next week, it's been ages since we've seen each other'
'Yeah that'd be good' (it's been 5 months and 16 days actually and I've missed you like crazy every single day)
'Well I'll sort out which day I'm going to be free and call you then'
'Haha you always say that and you never do!' (besides if I see you again I think my heart will break all over again)
'No I mean it this time I do miss you I've just been really busy'
'Yeah I know you're busy I'm just kidding with you' (you've been busy with your new girlfriend)
'Oh look I'm just going through Nuneham Courtenay now so I may lose signal'
'Oh yes? well watch out for that speed camera just as you're coming up the hill' (I think I'm going to cry if I don't get off this phone soon)
'Yeah I know the one! I'll catch you later honey. Bye'
'Bye baby........I miss you so much...'

Thursday, 19 June 2008

The Awful Truth

It wasn’t about the sex, she didn’t care so much about the sex . Give him that if that’s what he wanted so badly. It was the betrayal. It was the betrayal that hurt so much. Like inviting a friend over for a cup of tea and then finding out that they’d stolen your purse. It wouldn’t be the money you’d care about. The other intimacies they'd shared, like the stories they'd told each other over meals in places like Frankie and Bennie’s (he really liked Frankie and Bennie's for some reason!), well they mattered more because they'd built up a trust, a belief that she knew this person. Like the story about Aloysius the cat and the night he’d seen the cat miles from home in the middle of the night and how he’d quietly whispered his name ‘Aloysius….Aloysius…’ and that had stopped the cat dead in his tracks but it must have freaked him out and he hadn’t dared to look back to see who was calling for him. The tale about his dad’s friend who’d died of a heart attack years back whilst having sex and he’d seemed so sincere and so upset as he’d related how sad it was and the fact that he’d had four kids that he’d left behind. And when she’d said ‘how awful... so how old was he?’ He replied ’in his seventies...’ and she’d had to stifle a laugh because he hadn’t meant it to be funny. He’d made her laugh an awful lot, though mostly unintentionally she’d have to admit. But somewhere in that laughter she’d warmed to him over the weeks, felt comfortable with him, let him get closer to her than she would have done if she’d known the truth.
Oh but the truth was always in there. It was hidden in the miasma of lies, facts and half truths but it was always there. It wanted to be found. It was waiting in the darkness, waiting for the light to shine on it to reflect back the thing she didn’t want to see. The illumination that would have left no doubt in her mind that any of it was real. That sky he was painting for her, that bright blue sky that seemed to stretch into the distance, into the future, that sky wasn't real. He’d sent her his hologram to play with. Nothing she could have said or done would have given flesh and blood to that empty version of him. It had no heart, no soul, no substance.
Nadia on the other hand had substance. Her voice cracked a little on the phone as she bravely asked the question she didn’t really want to hear the answer to. ‘I need to know, were you with my husband on Saturday night...?’

Tuesday, 17 June 2008

U2 - One

one love ..we get to share it..leaves you baby if you don't care for it ...

Saturday, 14 June 2008

Fishpond in heaven

'hey Zach, it's Grandpa's birthday today you know?'
'is it? is that my Grandpa or your Grandpa?
'your Grandpa babe my Daddy'
'oh ok, well Happy Birthday Grandpa - whereever you are! I expect he's in heaven opening his presents'
'yes I expect he is. What sort of presents do you think he'll get?'
'uuhh I don't know - maybe fish for his fishpond? Oh and fish food too , I expect people will get him fish food for all his fish'
'do you think Grandpa will have a fishpond in heaven?'
'oh yes and lots of beautiful fish'
'Yes I hope he does too. Happy birthday Dad x'

Wednesday, 11 June 2008

What would mama say?

I think she’d say ‘ you don’t have to act tough’
I think she’d say ‘life’s more than rough enough
it’s not about giving more than you take,
beating yourself up with mistakes you make’

I think she’d say ‘no-one’s perfect baby’
I think she’d say ‘don’t you think that maybe
if you stopped running you might gain more ground
and then not feel you’d lost more than you’d found’

I think she’d say ‘you deserve something good’
I think she’d say ‘don’t you think that you should
stop giving your heart to men who don’t care
and find someone sweet who’ll always be there?’

I think she’d say ‘just do your very best’
I think she’d say ‘ life’s not really a test
it’s more about all the good stuff you learn
and not the number of points you can earn’

I think she’d say ‘you don’t have to feel sad’
I think she’d say ‘things aren’t terribly bad.
Follow your dreams and make them come true
I’ve always had mountains of faith in you’

I think she’d say ‘stop worrying honey’
I think she’d say ‘ it’s not about money.
Listen to your heart, you’ve got all you need,
Beautiful things grow from one tiny seed

Hear what I say and use all that you know
There’s still time to blossom, still time to grow.’
I think she’d say ‘Julie I love you still’
I think she’d say ‘Honey I always will’

Wednesday, 4 June 2008

french kisses....

'Hi babe, I'll be over about 8. Have you got any of those french things...ooh what are they called?'
'Have no idea! What french things? french fries? french knickers? french letters?... what?!!'
'ooh you know.... stockings!'
'french stockings? what are french stockings?'
'oh I don't know... any kind of stockings?'
'oh ok yes I have some I think. Are we thinking of robbing a bank by any chance??!!'

Sunday, 1 June 2008