cock-a-doodle-don't

J: Hi Deb how are you?
D: I'm in a bad mood. I'm glad you've turned up - I need you to help me kill a chicken!
J: Why - what's it done?
D: It wakes me up crowing every morning at 5am
J: That's a bit harsh isn't it - remind me never to wake you up unexpectedly!
D: Trust me if you were here you'd want to kill it too. When Kate stayed over last week she said she was going to kill it with her bare teeth but unfortunately she was too drunk to stand up let alone kill anything
J: Can't I just take it home with me and let it live down the bottom of my garden?
D: Well you could do and then I can tell Dave that we killed it.
J: Sorry, why does Dave want it dead?
D: Oh he doesn't -it's just that I told him to kill it last night and he said that he had but when it came to it he couldn't do it and just left it out for the fox to get in the night but the fox won't go near it - there'd probably be a dead fox if it did - it's vicious that thing!
J: Ok maybe I won't take it home with me! Seriously Deb I can't kill a chicken!
D: Really it's not that hard, one of you has to hold it down with a spade over it's neck and then the other one jumps on the spade and it's all over in seconds!
J: Oh my god it sounds gross! Anyway I think I have to go now - good luck with the chicken killing - just don't tell me any more about it!