conversations.......overheard in a bar

1st student: so did you go to that orgy on Friday night
2nd student: yes I took Anna
1st: so what happened?
2nd student: well Anna and I split up almost immediately. The place was full of naked people or people in various states of undress having sex with each other. I got together with this quite attractive girl and we started to get friendly. Then I saw someone I knew and started to talk to him. It was weird though because I was stroking this girl's pussy at the time and I've never done that whilst carrying on a conversation with someone else.
1st student: was she enjoying it?
2nd student: she seemed to be - can't say as it did much for me though and I didn't take it any further
1st student: so what happened then?
2nd student: well not that much as I wasn't all that turned on by it all. I met up with Anna later on and she asked if she could come home with me but I said that I didn't really fancy sleeping with her now as she'd just had sex with about 10 different guys....
1st student: good point
2nd student: anyhow I found this pretty girl who hadn't really been into it either and we ended up going back to my place
1st student: and?
2nd student: well we got home and got into bed and were about to have sex when she passes out completely as she's had too much to drink
1st student: so basically you're saying that you went to an orgy but you still couldn't get laid?
2nd student: that pretty much sums it up yes!

John Mayer - Somethings Missing

sorry Mark - had to steal this one - it's just tooooo good!

Calvin and Hobbes.....

Calvin: "I'm not going to do my maths homework. Look at these unsolved problems. Here's a number in mortal combat with another. One of them is going to get subtracted. But why? What will be left of him? If I answered these, it would kill the suspense. It would resolve the conflict and turn intriguing possibilities into boring old facts."
Hobbes: "I never really thought about the literary possibilities of maths."
Calvin: "I prefer to savour the mystery."

conversations with wolves.....

The native american grandfather tells his grandson that there are two wolves inside of him, fighting for control.
One wolf, is the wolf of love, peace, and kindness.
The other wolf is a wolf of greed, hatred, and corruption.
The grandson asks "Which wolf will win?"
The grandfather replies "Whichever wolf I feed."

dumb and dumber things......

Welcome, strangers, to the show
I'm the one who should be lying low
I see the knives out, I turn my back
I hear the train coming, I stay right on the track
Caught the fever, heard the tune
Thought I loved her,
hung my heart on the moon
Started howling, made no sense
Thought my friends would rush to my defence
And I get all your good advice
It doesn't stop me from going through these things twice
I lost my shirt,
I pawned my rings
I melted wax to fix my wings
I threw my hat into the ring
I've done all the dumb things.......

Dumb Things

I melted wax to fix my wings...I done all those dumb things....

Conversations with Vanilla Ice.......I mean Sky

Brian: We almost died, man... And do you know what I saw?
David: What?
Brian: Your whole life flashing in front of me...
David: And how was it?
Brian: Almost worth dying for...

conversations with.......

'so have you met anyone off the internet recently?'
'no it's too depressing'
'look you've got to stop moping and get yourself back out there'
'I know but it's not like there's a huge supply of desirable men on offer, most of the people who write to me look like they're the type of men who have tattoos....with spelling mistakes'
'it can't be that bad'
'trust me it is - it's that whole 'you wait ages for a bus and then 3 turn up at once' scenario. Before I got dumped I had loads of gorgeous men falling over themselves to try and get my attention and I told them all to get lost, but now that I'm available I couldn't get a guy to notice me if I walked down the street naked'

Duffy - Mercy -

conversations with Debz........

'so what's happening with Raj?'
'oh he's a complete waste of time, I've put him on my EU list'
'what's EU?
'Emotionally Unavailable'
'oh well could be worse he could be on your AH list!'
'yeah well the AssHole list is already full unfortunately.......'