Ukulele Orchestra of GB - Fly Me of the Handel

a Christmas message

Today, like every other day,
we wake up empty
and frightened.
Don't open the door to the study
and begin reading.
Take down the dulcimer.

Let the beauty we love be what we do.
There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.

Rumi

..of course I'll save the world Billy...

.....if stupidity got us into this mess then why can't it get us out!

away in a manger......

J: don't forget it's Zach's play tonight
X: no of course, what time do I have to be there?
J: well I'm taking him down to the church at 5.30 and it starts at 6pm
X: Ok. Can you save me 2 seats?
J: 2 seats? Why 2 seats?
X: because I'm bringing Rebecca.
J: Oh I see. I didn't realise that we were taking dates to our son's school play!
X: Oh well I just thought that since Rebecca's pregnant that it would be good for Zach to spend more time with her.
J: Really? Well I think he'd appreciate it more if he looked out and just saw his parents sitting together and proud of him. You and I are always going to be his mum and dad no matter how many other people you bring into his life
X: Oh yes you're right I'm sorry but you should have told me.
J: No - you should have asked!
X: Yes I messed up I'm sorry
J: ok but I'm not saving you seats and I'm not sitting with you and Rebecca, I did that enough times with you and Laurie!
X: No that's fine
J: By the way you never did tell me but how on earth did Rebecca get pregnant by accident?
X: Well I just never thought she'd get pregnant
J: You're not serious?!
X: Yes, I just didn't think that she would
J: You're seriously telling me that your method of contraception was your 'thought' that she wouldn't get pregnant?!!
X: Well sort of
J: Well I think she planned it....
X: Oh why do you hate Rebecca all of a sudden?
J: I don't - I just think that it's ironic that the more stupid you are the more likely you are to breed! It kind of makes me think that Darwin got it completely wrong....

souled out

J: so did you go on a date with 'busty conductress' from Guardian Soulmates?
G: no I didn't bother. Actually I'm a bit luvved up at the moment
J: oh how exciting! Who with?
G: well 'luvved up' is a bit of an exageration come to think of it. I can't be bothered to find someone to fall in love with so I've settled for a woman I met off Match.com who has ginormous breasts and likes rough sex
J: oh that's so depressing - don't you find it soul destroying when your heart's not in it?
G: why would I? She does seem to cry a lot though.
J: Maybe she's not so keen on rough sex as you think!
G: haha very good! No, seriously why do all you women have 'issues'?
J: Maybe it's because all 'you men' are bastards!