Conversations with Vanilla Ice.......I mean Sky

Brian: We almost died, man... And do you know what I saw?
David: What?
Brian: Your whole life flashing in front of me...
David: And how was it?
Brian: Almost worth dying for...

conversations with.......

'so have you met anyone off the internet recently?'
'no it's too depressing'
'look you've got to stop moping and get yourself back out there'
'I know but it's not like there's a huge supply of desirable men on offer, most of the people who write to me look like they're the type of men who have tattoos....with spelling mistakes'
'it can't be that bad'
'trust me it is - it's that whole 'you wait ages for a bus and then 3 turn up at once' scenario. Before I got dumped I had loads of gorgeous men falling over themselves to try and get my attention and I told them all to get lost, but now that I'm available I couldn't get a guy to notice me if I walked down the street naked'

Duffy - Mercy -

conversations with Debz........

'so what's happening with Raj?'
'oh he's a complete waste of time, I've put him on my EU list'
'what's EU?
'Emotionally Unavailable'
'oh well could be worse he could be on your AH list!'
'yeah well the AssHole list is already full unfortunately.......'

stop dragging my heart around..

conversations with Debz (2).......

'so how are the battery hens you rescued settling in Deb'
'oh they're great. I let them out in the garden for the first time today but they would only take a couple of steps outside and then they ran straight back in to the henhouse'
'well that's understandable I suppose'
'yes but I kept encouraging them to come out and eventually got them to walk around outside and then I heard the local hunt blowing their horns and I suddenly remembered that they'd sent a note round yesterday telling me to keep all my pets in today and I had a horrible thought that I'd saved the chicken from a life of misery and incarceration and got them to trust me only for them to die a horrible death getting ripped apart by a pack of foxhounds!'

conversation with jane...

'so how's the search for a new lover going?'
'well it's a long mind-numbing process - first you have to advertise, read through the applications, hold interviews, shortlist the possibles and then bring back the chosen few for a second interview'
'I know - it's an awful lot of effort. So what did you put in your ad?'
'Situation vacant for honest and articulate person. No experience necessary as full training will be given. however a creative and inventive mind would be an advantage together with the ability to think on one's feet. Strictly no smoking or weird stuff.'
'and you actually got replies to that?'
'loads surprisingly - I don't think most men can read let alone think - they must just look at the pictures!'

Rooster - Deep and Meaningless

If you call me today
I'll say that I'm fine
But I bet you can tell by the tone of my voice
It's just a lie
You knew what you had
You still walked away leaving me in this mess
My love for you is deep and meaningless.........

conversation with an ex lover...........

'Please give me another chance Julie. I've done a lot of thinking and I know how stupid I was to lose you. I really love you and I know I'll never find anyone like you. '
'I'm sorry but after all the lies you told me I don't honestly believe you'll ever change'
'I promise you I'll change and I'll do anything to make it up to you that's the truth'
'I don't mean to be rude but quite frankly, whilst you may have met the truth occasionally and may even have had a nodding acquaintence with it at one time, you and the truth have never been close personal friends and I sincerely doubt that you'd recognise the truth if you fell over it in the street these days'
'but you don't mean to be rude?'
'well ok - that was quite rude - but not as rude as you lying to me constantly and sponging loads of money off me whilst cheating on me with everything with a pulse....'
'so is that a 'no' then?......'